Repent Now, Assholes

I, too, am both outraged and deeply concerned that a bed-wetting egomaniacal is allowed to command a nuclear arsenal and threaten to unleash a hellacious kingdom come against innocent folk on foreign soil. But what about North Korea?

Ok, ok, I know you saw that one coming.

When you give the current North Korean nuclear crisis thought—real thought, not this drive-thru “Yeah, yeah. I got it; I got it” stuff—can you honestly identify America as having the moral high ground? I understand the situation is easy to oversimply: Both North Korea and America have childish flamboyant leaders who get throbbing boners fantasizing about censorship of the media, suppression of the common feeders for personal gain, and, most alarmingly, decapitation of “the enemy.”

In many ways, the only difference between the Kim Jing-Um and Donald J. Trump is that Donald J. Trump was elected.

In some respects, can you blame Kim Jong-Um for building a nuclear arsenal? He probably heard that America invaded Iraq under false pretenses and/or shoddy intelligence, slaughtered millions of people, and then left the joint a festering hotbed of terrorism and agony.

America lost the moral high ground the second Christopher Columbus deboarded the Santa Maria.


Peace through strength is a good policy…until the same policy is adopted by the enemy. Then all it takes is a sneeze to break the silence, and suddenly there is no strength and there certainly is no fucking peace.


Donald Trump’s evangelical advisor, Robert Jeffress, said “God has given Trump the authority to take out Kim Jong-Um.” Via social media, a lot of Christians claim that “taking out” the Korean dictator would be a very un-Christian thing to do. Bullshit! Unleashing “fire and fury (unto North Korea) like the world has never seen” is exactly the action the God of the Old Testament would champion. In fact, isn’t Trump’s “fire and fury” quote directly lifted from God’s ringing falsetto chorus line at the end of Act I of Jesus Christ Superstar: The Gory Prequel.

The bold headline in the Washington Post on 08/9/17 read: ‘God Has Given Trump The Authority To Take Out Kim Jong-Um’, evangelical advisor says. This headline embodies every reason I despise religion so very much. The next time a fella’ says to me “Why can’t you just let people believe what they want? They aren’t hurting anyone,” I’m going to punch him in the throat with a fist wrapped in a print version of this article.

On the other hand, could there be a more apt “I told you so,” scenario?: WWIII igniting because a  blathering holy man mistook a phantom barking imp as divine intervention, and then revealed to a pistachio-prick pharaoh that God wants him to vomit nuclear missiles across the Pacific. Of course, this would finally…finally be the Big Nudge to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to make his much-ballyhooed return to a disgraced paradise. Evangelicals holla’!

Repent now, assholes, because giant fucking morons got their fingers on the triggers…lots and lots of ’em.



2 thoughts on “Repent Now, Assholes

  1. Matt well done. Have you ever considered writing for Mother Jones or one of the blogs like Huff Post or Shareblue? Do you ever submit guest editorials to the Post Gazette? I’d love to see you earn your living doing something you enjoy.


    1. Are you suggesting I don’t enjoy writing compliance reviews?
      I’ve never given any thought to those sights. Good suggestion. I’ll look into them. A freelance thing might suit. What is Mother Jones’ pension plan like?


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