Repent Now, Assholes

I, too, am both outraged and deeply concerned that a bed-wetting egomaniacal is allowed to command a nuclear arsenal and threaten to unleash a hellacious kingdom come against innocent folk on foreign soil. But what about North Korea? Ok, ok, I know you saw that one coming. When you give the current North Korean nuclear … Continue reading Repent Now, Assholes

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Don’t Give Me Reason To Ghost Ball Punch Your New Husband

-originally published on Crooked Lullabies, 6/9/14. Last Saturday evening Kait and I took a stroll through Calvary Cemetery in Greenfield. Along the bend near the main entrance, beside the newly built three-story mega-mausoleum, I noticed a large weathered tombstone with the last name BUTERA embossed across the front. (all names have been changed to protect … Continue reading Don’t Give Me Reason To Ghost Ball Punch Your New Husband

What Gun Would Jesus Carry?

-originally published on Crooked Lullabies, 3/10/13. I recently read an editorial in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette entitled “What Gun Would Jesus Carry.”  I wonder why Jesus would need to carry firearms at all. His father is the Alpha and the Omega, the creator and destroyer of world, Superman on bath salts. One mighty swipe of his palm and … Continue reading What Gun Would Jesus Carry?

“Nowadays” Humankind Is Not More Violent; Keep Fighter Jets Away From Emperor Caligula

-originally published on Crooked Lullabies, 4/22/13. The recent Boston Marathon bombings have rightly awakened throngs of dozing social critics. However, I grit my teeth whenever someone grumbles a cliché like "nowadays people are more violent." Literature exists explaining why humankind is considerably less violent today than at any point in history. Evolution dictates that humankind … Continue reading “Nowadays” Humankind Is Not More Violent; Keep Fighter Jets Away From Emperor Caligula

Where To Begin: A Note On Race Relations, And Neon Green Hats

-originally published on Crooked Lullabies, 7/14/16. America is at peak jitteriness. The sound of a child's pop gun may ignite a carousel of panic and chaos that would make the Revelation of Saint John seem like a Webelo campfire singalong of If I Had a Hammer. Racial tensions are steaming, and too damn near a boil. … Continue reading Where To Begin: A Note On Race Relations, And Neon Green Hats

DemoCRAZY: A Bullhorn For The Witless

-originally published on Crooked Lullabies, 9/28/16. “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.” -George Carlin Democracy gives everyone a voice. EVERYONE! That's the problem, folks. How did Donald Trump escalate to Republican nominee for President of the United States? He didn't flip a coin into … Continue reading DemoCRAZY: A Bullhorn For The Witless

Between Grimm’s Fairy Tales And Mein Kampfe

-originally published on Crooked Lullabies, 8/30/13. The Holy Bible has no place in modern society, unless it’s parked on the book shelf between Grimm’s Fairy Tales and Mein Kampf. How many Bible study groups have read and comprehended the lesser-known, but gut-wrenching, text between the fluffy stories like Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and … Continue reading Between Grimm’s Fairy Tales And Mein Kampfe

Letter To The Editor: Nature Taking Its Course

-originally published on Crooked Lullabies, 5/16/17. The following is a private email to Sherman Oaks Review of Books editor-in-chief Ellis Weiner. (Ellis is a funny and accomplished writer. He wrote the paperback version of Howard and the Duck, for pete's sake. Check out his website and/or Wikipedia page. More importantly, read his stuff. I'd link … Continue reading Letter To The Editor: Nature Taking Its Course

The Eye Socket Of Death

-originally published on Crooked Lullabies, 6/1/16. “So many of these poor dead people spent their whole lives placing their faith in God, thinking that there’ll be this bright shiny light when they die. But after their last breath, the moment the shiny light is supposed to be there, it isn’t. But they’re dead, and they … Continue reading The Eye Socket Of Death